Food Fraud

I was really pissed this afternoon.  Returning to the fair isle of Singapore, around National Day, one might assume that Singaporeans would be filled with nationalistic pride and patriotic ardour to prove their worth and might as a young nation.

One might assume wrong then.

Firstly, let me caveat that I rather like Singapore on good days and constantly conk my head on my keyboard in frustrated amazement on bad. I rather think it is not the geography per say but its people.

One of the first things I heard, on returning to Singapore recently, was a vignette on telly featuring the older Singaporean celebrities waxing nostalgic about their homeland.  I am not sure who it was (might be Brian Richmond) because I heard it rather than saw it - I was listening to the telly as I was working.  This bloke was going on about how wonderful he thought Singapore was but he wished that it had a more gracious society.

That actually caught my attention. 

Because it is true.  We all wish Singapore had a more gracious society, don't we?  I hear that lament all the time.

But no one would claim responsibility for it.  And the definition of "gracious" seems really diverse.

I am no expert but I get the sense the powers that be in Singapore and the wannabes think "gracious" means a higher standard of living with champagne and caviar flowing at F1 events, luxury shopping locations and mega concerts boasting world-class celebrities.

This definition of "graciousness" is an aspiration which seems attached to Singaporeans only.  Because when you ask them what is hampering the advancement of said "graciousness" in their island in the sun, they usually point the fingers at ... The Foreigner.  Typically of the mainland Chinese and Indian ilk.

They blame these foreigners for lowering the tone of the country.  For being mannerless and uncouth.  For a whole range of problems from spitting to standing on the loo to body ordour.  I've heard it all now (I think) such that my eyebrows do not even raise that much anymore in amazement.

Ironically, if you ask foreign workers in Singapore why Singapore is not as gracious a society as it wishes, they will point their fingers at ... The Locals.  All of them.  Regardless of race, language or religion.

Well, in that sense, the national pledge is fulfilled isn't it?

Why?  Because, according to them, Singaporeans are rude and arrogant and have little appreciation for anything, what more people, being more concerned about money.

Hey, as I stated above, I am no expert.  I am just an average Joe with minuscule issues so I relate to the mundane, every day issues of the average resident of Singapore.

So I bring you a case in point. 

I decided I would bake an apple tart today as I have a shitload of apples.  So off I went to my local wet market to buy some cinnamon powder.  Now I know it is not common but there is an Indian spice shop in the wet market which would definitely have it. 

But I decided I would be egalitarian and try one of the Chinese spice shops to avoid accusations of racial profiling.  The Chinese shopkeeper was a middle-aged woman who spoke good English, which was a relief.  After looking around, I asked if they had any cinnamon powder.  She nodded and pointed at a rack.

Now I was getting worried.  I'd looked there but had seen nothing.  Am I getting blind in my old age?  Nope, no cinnamon stick or powder. I asked again and she pointed at a row of dark brown powders in transparent sachets marked with red Chinese characters.

I raised my eyebrow.  "Er, no, that's not cinnamon powder. I think that's five spice powder."

The woman had the gall to tell me it was cinnamon powder.

Look, my Chinese is bad but even I can recognise the word "five" in Chinese.  I sniffed the sachets and pointed at the word "five" and told the lady, "No it's not.  It says there that's it's five spice powder."

Now she looked surprised.  I flushed internally in pride at my level of Chinese proficiency.  Hey, the ads on telly work!  Dian deng jai na li?  I can say that!  Why do I suddenly have that Teresa Teng song in my head?

Anyway, the temerity of the woman grew as she bald-facedly lied to me.  "It's the same."

Excuse me while I conk my forehead on my keyboard.

Ouch.

"Look, lady, five spice is not the same as cinnamon powder and you know that.  One is like, you know, one spice.  The other is like, gee, five?!!!"

At this stage she knew her goose was cooked but she still maintained her belligerent expression and made no apology.  But she had that look in her eye.  The one that said, "Why the hell that one know how to read Chinese, har?"

I walked away before I lost the battle to be snarkier by telling her that even without my outstanding Chinese literacy to recognise the "five" word, I could tell by colour and smell that that was no cinnamon powder.

Why do people always assume I know shit about food?  Because I am skinny?  Hey, that Eurasian dude is a chef on telly and he's skinny too!  

But more importantly, is that the gracious behaviour that Singapore hopes to be known for?

This incident implied so many wrongs that there is no right.  Racial bias because she thought the non-Chinese person would not be able to read Chinese.  Fraud because she tried to peddle the wrong product to someone she thought was the village idiot.  Hey, I graduated from village idiocy night school last year, alright?  

And more importantly, she exhibited that she was raised by wolves and not in a good New Moon-Jacob way, with her inability to acknowledge her duplicity and make the proper amends.  An apology would be nice and admitting that she did not stock the product would have alleviated some of my ire.

Instead, I went to the Indian spice shop huffing and puffing.  As I got my cinnamon powder, I complained loudly and angrily about the Chinese shopkeeper.  Which then led to something ugly.

The Indian lady and I indulged in some racial under-dogging.  We expressed our disgust and ire that the Chinese shopkeeper could be so racially biased and basked atop our moral high horse.  We remarked that the Chinese shopkeepers were only nice and honest with their own kind and minorities could only expect the same from other minorities.

It was only as I was walking home that the shame hit me.  I was no better than that Chinese shopkeeper.  Or the finger pointers.  You wronged me because of you are such and such race and I am the other.

Why are we not a gracious society?  Let's turn the finger the other way.

I apologise.  I suck.  Eggs.  Big time.

I will try to be better and aspire to my own definition of gracious.  It does not lie in the external but the twisted and gnarly internal dialogue and interaction with my own worst enemy, aka me, myself and I.  Only then will it be expressed outwardly in a positive manner and hopefully, three of my grandmother's maxims will prove true. 

Lead by example.

Always treat people as you would wish to be treated.

A person of grace is one who always makes the people around him/ her feel comfortable and at home.

Since Singapore is my home now, I guess I just have to suck it up and accept the bad with the good with graciousness.  

So shuddup internal voice of whining and have some more apple tart of self-reflection.  While standing in a corner.

Man U Be The Devil?

From Yahoo News comes this -

Muslims warned against 'devilish' Man Utd jersey

AFP - Thursday, July 22

Muslims warned against 'devilish' Man Utd jersey

 

KUALA LUMPUR (AFP) - – Muslims must not wear the famous Manchester United red jersey because of the "devil" emblem on its team crest, Malaysian clerics said Wednesday.

Manchester United and the rest of the English Premier League are massively popular in Muslim-majority Malaysia and the rest of the Asian region, but conservative religious scholars said the jersey is un-Islamic.

Also off limits are the shirts of teams including Brazil, Portugal, Barcelona, Serbia and Norway, all of which carry images of the cross on their team emblems.

"This is very dangerous. As a Muslim, we should not worship the symbols of other religions or the devils," Nooh Gadot, a top Islamic cleric from the southern Johor state, told AFP.

"It will erode our belief in Islam. There is no reason why we as Muslims should wear such jerseys, either for sports or fashion reasons," said Nooh, an advisor to the Johor religious council.

"Even if it (the jersey) is a gift, we should decline it. It is even more sinful when people realise this is wrong and still buy these jerseys to wear," he added.

Nooh said there was no "fatwa", or religious edict, against the shirts but that one was not needed when it was clearly wrong for Muslims to don such a garment.

"These Muslims should repent, repent immediately," he said.

Another leading cleric, Harussani Zakaria, a cleric from northern Perak state, agreed that devils should be shunned, not celebrated.

"Yes of course in Islam we don't allow people to wear this sort of thing," he told AFP. "Devils are our enemies, why would you put their picture on you and wear it? You are only promoting the devil."
Malaysia is a generally moderate Islamic country, but conservative clerics have issued controversial edicts in the past including a ban on the ancient practice of yoga, which is criticised for including Hindu religious elements.

OK, I am not a Man U fan.  *Ducks the brickbats*

But still, I think the latest almost-fatwa in Malaysia against them is little ... ridiculous.  What devil?  The chap holding the pitchfork?  Oh come on ...

I know loads of Malaysian Muslim friends who are Man U supporters, and I really think none of them are going to give up wearing their jerseys to cheer on their team.  However, to make them feel bad for doing so is just well, unsporting.

Also, if they did not wear their jerseys I would not know not to share a table with them since I most likely will be rooting for the other team.  Which makes it downright dangerous.  Now, that's way more devilish to subject me to such dangers!

So couldn't we just live and let live?  Although if you wanna claim some of the Man U players are devils and ban them from playing, I am not gonna complain.

Wet Markets vs Supermarket

Kapow!  Thuuuuwwaaapppp! 

In the battle between wet markets and supermarkets, it is no secret that wet markets rule.  When Sheng Siong announced that it was acquisitioning a bunch of wet markets and revamping them into Sheng Siong-lites, there was much furore.  Which, of course, in typical Singaporean style, then died to a whimper and was swiftly forgotten.

I stand by my view that wet markets should be allowed to thrive under the ole free market concept.

For example, yesterday, I bought a bunch of tai bak choy at an NTUC for $1.50, weighing in at 250g. There were only 3 bags available so I chose the least mangy looking one as I was desperate to make some soup and was unsure if I could make it to the wet market in time.

Today, I went moseying around the wet market during lunch.  At one store, I asked for tai bak choy but the stall vendor tried to convince me that Shanghai bak choy would suffice.  Eh, dude, no it wouldn't.  And he tried to give me a line that there was no tai bak choy available as it was raining so much.  Rrrrrright ...

Smiling sweetly, I thanked him and walked a couple of stalls down,  where I saw some beautiful tai bak choy miraculously just lying there, having missed the memo that they should not exist because of the rains.  For shame.

The previous stall vendor must have taken one look at me and thought, "What would this person know about vegetables?  Probably shopping for the mum and totally clueless."

Yeah.  I have only been cooking and food shopping since I was a kid.   

There was a huge range of vegetables for me to choose from at the second stall and what's more, the stall vendor was polite and did not treat me like the village idiot.

Now, I would not have been able to do that at a Sheng Siong or NTUC.  Check for better quality products at a cheaper price in one location.  Worse, there is less variety to choose from at the supermarkets.  And the quality ... it's beyond tragic.

Let's take the tai bak choy I purchased at the two locations.  Exhibit A - NTUC Pasar Tai Bak Choy.  Exhibit B - Wet Market Tai Bak Choy.

NTUC's 250g for $1.50 bought last night, on the left.  Wet market's approximately 300g for $1.50 bought this afternoon, on the right. (Oh yeah, I stored the NTUC's tai bok choy carefully in the crisper, in case you gonna start nitpicking)

Let the pictures tell the story.  

NTUC's was full of dirt, old and dying.  I had to discard about 25% of it.  The feel was leathery and the leaves were brittle.  It was quite horrible to handle and I swear some bunch even felt a little slimey as if they were starting to turn.  If you want to get really picky, that means only 187.5g was useable.

The wet market's had hardly any soil as the vendor obviously takes care and pride of his stock and presented it to his best ability.  The bak choy was fresher and younger.  Wonderfully crisp and the leaves felt alive and strong.  Handling it was such a pleasure.

It is obvious the supermarkets cannot compete with wet markets on quality.

And before supermarkets can blather on about how they fight on price because of economies of scale, note that I actually got more at the wet market at the same price.

OK, so they might retort that it works differently with vegetables.  Alrighty then, let's take meat.

I purchase 250g of spare ribs at the wet market for $5.  It was so fresh that it did not even have the porky smell I detest.  I know, I know, what did I expect pork to smell like, right?  But you know what I mean if you are not a pork fan like me.

At Shop N Save and NTUC, the spare ribs there were limited in choice and they were luridly dark red, with lots of stagnating blood running to a burgundy in some cases.  Now how long has that pig been dead, eh?  Worse, because the spare ribs had been pre-chopped, unlike the wet market's, the upper edges of each chunk not marinating in old blood was visibly drying.  

If I had purchased the spare ribs at NTUC, I would have had to buy at least two packs which would have been about 300g, instead of being able to buy exactly 250g.  And even if I managed to find exactly 250g, it would have been about $5.80.  Now how is that cheaper and fresher?

Fish?  I did not even bother to do a price comparison.  All I had to do was take a look at the fishes at both supermarkets, got a gander of the red, blurry eyes and I moved along.  There is no way on hell I would even go near those fishes!

I would still go the supermarkets to buy milk, cheese and staples that you cannot get at the wet market but for fresh produce, seafood and meat, my trusty little wet market is gold.  Of course we have not even discussed Cold Storage or Carrefour, which has much better quality products (not true of all outlets as I have seen true horrors at some small Cold Storages).  But the prices at the latter two are higher too.

I do wish that wet markets are more like those in Europe where we could literally get everything - even home gardens!  But they are a wonderful resource and I really think they should be preserved and not go the way of small cottage industries and business worldwide.  However, even in the countries where big corporations rule, they are realising that protecting local, small food businesses is important.  

Save the wet markets please.  For our health.  In all ways.

Romantic Ronaldo

Tee hee.  I admit I am no fan of Ronaldo Cristiano.  I don't know why but I always just felt he was over-rated and overly arrogant - which was not helped by his World Cup performance.

But I must admit the chap is amusing.  Especially because he does not mean to be.

When I saw the news during World Cup that he had become a father, that became one of the hot topics of discussion as we waited for the matches to start.  

"Wah, where he get the time har?"

"Maybe that's why he was so distracted during the match and played like shit!"

"Didn't even know he had a girlfriend!"

"Ha ha, maybe neither did he!"

Oh, little did we know how close to the truth we were.  But the bits that set me cackling were these gems from xinmsn:

Approached in the least subtle of ways, the woman didn't understand Ronaldo's initial chat-up line of "Me, you, f***, f***", which led to the Real Madrid star drawing a heart on a misted up window and saying "Me, you, kiss" instead.

Hahahaha, bloody classic.  And the laughs just keep coming.

His mother made him keep his baby.  *Slapping palms on table, laughing hysterically*

I can just see it.  Mum pulling him by his ear as she lambasts him in torrid spews of fiery Portuegese while he sheepishly takes his paternity tests.  And then has to hand over his pay cheque monthly so she can deduct child support.  'Cos I am quite sure it's his mum who will be taking care of the kid.

And good luck on not letting the kid know his mother's identity when the whole world does.  Poor kid.

Age Does Not Equal Sage

It's truly tragic.  Lindsay Lohan.  Britney Spears.  Gary Coleman.  Drew Barrymore (except she cleaned herself up, fortunately).  Child stars who let fame beat their talents and lives out of them.

This was her in 1998. I remember her. I watched the movie "Parent Trap" onflight and thought, "What a cute little girl. She has something. She should go far."

Oy veh, she went far alright.

Here she is now. 12 years later. I hate to say this but she looks like she's 34 instead of 24. Actually she might even pass for a youthful 44.

Girl, you need to snap out of it. Before it snaps you.

Singapore's Rain Song - The Wave Song

Bwahahahaha!  This is the funniest thing I've seen and heard in a couple of weeks!  You may say Singaporeans are an accepting lot.  They are.  But they also have a sense of humour about it.

Not too sure about the government, or the "gahmen", as the Singaporeans bestow on them.  Watch fast.  This video may be taken off.  Or mysteriously hacked.  Or something ... maybe flooded ...